How to go through divorce gracefully

When you get married, the assumption is it’s for life. Unfortunately, statistics show that about 45% of married couples eventually end up divorcing.

There are many reasons why couples decide to end their marriage. While poor communication and a lack of commitment are often at the top of the list, constant arguments, infidelity, abuse and financial problems have been identified by divorcees.

When a marriage ends, it usually unleashes an outpouring of emotions including anger, fear, grief, and anxiety. Even in divorces that start out amicably, going through divorce and separating, dividing belongings, figuring out finances, and issues surrounding custody, visitation, and support, if children are involved,  can quickly become a battle.

While separation and divorce are emotionally charged events the process does not have to be a vicious struggle. Communication and cooperation with your soon-to-be ex can result in a healthier breakup. Learning to deal with your emotions, especially your anger can eventually lead to understanding and even forgiveness.

The reality of it

The simple fact is that divorce isn’t fun. Even if it’s the right decision, it means completely uprooting your lives and the lives of your children, if you have any. It can create havoc with your social and personal relationships, and the stress and strain can have a negative effect on your ability to perform at work.

There will be times during the divorce process where you’re going to be in the same room as your soon-to-be ex, especially if children are involved. While it’s not possible to remove emotions there are steps you can take to lessen their impact. Some tips on how to go through divorce gracefully include:

  • Recognize that you need help. Consider some sort of therapy, contact a counselor or psychologist or small group for support.
  • Allow yourself the right to express emotion, but in a healthy way.
  • Avoid unhealthy behaviors such as substance abuse as a means of escapism.
  • Avoid jumping straight into a new relationship.

Getting to the other side

Going through divorce gracefully involves respectful communication as well as actions. The focus of a graceful divorce is on compromise and working towards an outcome that is feasible for both.

If you and your spouse are heading into an amicable divorce process, you may be considering a DIY divorce. However, there are some valid reasons why you should avoid DIY divorce. Number one on the list is that online, automated divorce paperwork will not provide you with the advice and guidance you’ll both need to make informed decisions. You are not required to use an attorney. That being said, because divorces are complex and affect your financial future as well as your rights – especially if you have assets or dependents – it is often a good idea to at least consult a legal service to understand California divorce laws and your rights.

At Green Giraffe Legal Services, we offer divorcing couples a variety of alternative divorce services, including mediation and flat fee divorce options.